Good Intentions

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions." -- proverb

Typically, when an individual takes an action (voluntarily), they intend for the outcome to have a desirable result (for them, if no one else). They believe they understand what the consequences might be, or not; they take action in either case with motivation to achieve an outcome. However, we are limited creatures in our understanding of the complex world around us; the scope of our understanding, in the moment, is necessarily limited. We turn the wheel of the car to avoid hitting the dog in the road, but as a consequence, we strike the child on the bicycle, unseen before. Limited understanding and unforeseen consequences undermine the intentions of our actions.

None of this is new to humanity. The opening proverb of this post is well-known (in Western Judeo-Christian societies, at least). With the mention of "hell," it is no wonder that various shades of Christianity, with their attempts at defining morality for society have latched onto these observations of unintended consequences from human action as admonitions of immoral behavior. Its exact origins are not known. We see variations of it as early as the Aeneid where Virgil wrote "the descent to hell is easy." We also find this observation in the Bible, in the book of Ecclesiastes 21:10: "The path of sinners is made level with stones, but its end is the pit of hell." Beware your choices in life, lest Virgil lead you to the Vestibule of Hell: "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

But hell need not be the spiritual destination of the Bible in the sense that the proverb is often used today. Hell can exist, to varying degrees, in the here and now, in the material world. "Hell is empty and all the devils are here," warned Shakespeare, and some of the devils are of our own making.  No, our own well-intentioned choices are sufficient to guide us away from our presumed goal.

And what is my presumed goal with this writing? Surely, my intentions are not to undermine my already shaky and brittle mental health. This past year (indeed, the past SEVEN years) has been the impetus to take up the pen again (so to speak); the reality of the world and my own situation has inundated my ability to sort, prioritize, compartmentalize, filter, process, deflect, comprehend to the point that I doubt my cognitive/mental health almost daily. This feeling of mental desolation and despair brings unbidden thoughts of my father's decline into dementia and his "failure to thrive." And this is, in fact, the hell that I fear most, whether hastened by my own good intentions or not. The goal of the writing, then, is to push myself away from that fate for as long as possible. I am certain I will veer closer to that fate before I pull away from it; this is the challenge of taking up the pen once again.

I have drifted away from focused mental activity over the years, due mainly to these onslaughts of the world around me and my declining health. I still attempt to challenge my brain with my hobbies of model building and wargaming (both likely future topics for this blog), but deteriorating eyesight and neuropathy make scale models increasingly difficult. Wargaming can bring challenges at times, simply due to the subject matter, but I still play as often as I can. However, while these activities are good for exercising and maintaining the elasticity of my brain, these are "input" activities only. Writing, I believe, can give me the "output," or expression that I think will further stretch my mind and allow me to come to terms with my situation and, hopefully, the visceral despair of the world today.

So, I will write. I know not down what path this intentional action will take me, or to what unintentional consequences. Join me, dear Reader, on this level path of stones, should you feel so inclined, along my journey on this intentional pavement.